The Neighbors by Dan Fogelman (outline)

Dan Fogelman has had an amazing career that many I'm sure would like to emulate. We are among them. 

The Neighbors doesn't get a lot of love, but this is a great pilot, and a script we have drawn much inspiration. 

So many elegant little moments re: keeping the tension alive, making the story personal. Stuff like that. And the action writing has quite a few lines we could learn from. Outline and notes on that stuff on the next page.

Neighbors By Dan Fogelman


Outline


1. Aliens in space. Leader says they found a development in a place called “Jersey” to live in.
2. Ten years later in that Jersey development. One of the client families moves out, which leaves a vacancy for a new family… A human one!
3. YESTERDAY: The Weavers pack up their apartment into a moving van. They are moving.
**Nice how they introduce the aliens before the humans so we get the dramatic irony of knowing what the humans don’t in this scene.**
4. At the new house. Establish conflict b/w Marty and Debbie. He surprised her with this move. She is not happy about it. This tension is good. The doorbell rings. “Let’s go meet the neighbors.”
5. The neighbors are aliens with athlete names but as soon as they are gone Debbie addresses it. That’s good b/c it anticipates the audiences objections before too long. Marty suggests dinner with them tomorrow to give the neighbors a chance. Debbie says “dinner better not be weird” which keeps the tension b/w them buoyed.
**Note: An action line says “Even when fighting, you love these two together.** That’s a classic persuasion technique that Trump uses too. “Everyone agrees with me, this is horrible. Very bad.” Supplant people’s actual thoughts were you thoughts before they have a chance to think them!
6. Dinner is weird. The kids leave. The men are left alone to “converse like men.*
7. IN THE TEENAGE BOY’S ROOM: Amber tries to get information about who is who at school because she starts tomorrow. She learns that Joe is home schooled.
8. In the kitchen: The women do dishes. Debbie presses Jackie Joyner Kersee for information. They end up bonding over the idea that Jackie should not let her husband boss her around the way he does.
9. The men bond. Marty marvels at how Wilt claims that his wife does as she’s told.
10. The young kids play in the basement. Alien Lennox gives in to peer pressure to do something cool. Transforms into an alien for the human kids.
11. Up at dinner. Interupted when the kids run out shrieking b/c they just saw the aliens. The parents follow them out.
12. Max and Debbie try to convince their kids that there’s no way Lennox is an alien. The doorbell RINGS.
**Note: There is a good technique used in the action line here and elsewhere… “They SCREAM and pop back under cover. CUE: DOORBELL.” I like the use of “cue.” I also like how evocative the verbs are. They “pop” back under cover.
13. Human parents talk to alien people. The aliens don’t resist the truth. They reveal themselves.
**Note: the full image of the aliens is withheld until this moment. The site of them is referred to as “the money shot.” A great example of withholding information to keep people reading and to keep the tension as long as possible. Just a little thing, but a cool writing trick.
14. The aliens show up later and ask for the Weavers to keep the secret. They also offer to pay to clean the green goo off the Weavers’ carpet.
END OF ACT ONE


ACT TWO
1. Weaver family conference to decide what to do. Lennox shows up and needs a friend. The human kids take him to school. Teen Alien shows up and thinks Amber looks good, so she goes to school too. Debbie and Marty argue about what to do.

Note: Scene starts with a great image… “The family stands at the window, looking out. A NEIGHBOR waters his lawn (well, he’s not really watering it, he’s more just shooting a hose up in the air and drenching himself.) He catches them looking and WAVES. Caught, they wave back. Marty rips the blinds closed. 

Another Note: Marty is still into this idea. Debbie is not. The kids are figuring it out. That push/pull dynamic is essential.
2. At the alien house. Wilt and Jackie Joyner discuss the situation. She suggests maybe going home. He dismisses her. It’s clear that her conversation with strong-willed Debbie is changing Jackie’s perception of domesticity.
Note: The previous Weaver scene ends with “Debbie eyes practically roll back in her head.” This alien couple scene ends with “Jackie Joyner’s eyes practically roll back in her head.” That wire connecting the two scenes and the two women makes sure the reader understand the connection, but in a subtle way and without some boring exposition wherein Jackie repeats what Debbie told her.
3. Wilt shows up at the Weavers, upset b/c Jackie Joyner kicked him out. Debbie leaves him there like “You two deserve each other.”
Note: Gender dynamics are at the heart of this pilot in a nicely thought out way.  There could easily be a story about this decision that didn’t have this element — this through line of marital conflict — but this makes the whole thing so much richer.
4. Marty vents to Wilt like “She said she wanted me to take initiative and now she’s mad at me for it!”  I like the idea behind this, but it starts to stretch his character a little or something. Like anyone would understand why their wife is pissed that they moved into an alien community… can this guy really not see that? Scene ends with both men realizing that they are wrong.
5. Lennox comes home. Alien Mom tells him to prep the Pupar but it seems to make her sad. Why??
Note: Great action line to underscore the question that thrusts us from this scene forward: “Her confusion is magnified by the fact that water has started pouring out of Jackie Joyner-Kersee’s ears.”
6. Wilt explains that the youngest sacrifices himself to recharge the Pupar, effectively answering the question raised by the women in the previous scene.
7. The Weavers rush to stop Lennox from sacrificing himself. The Pupar breaks in the process. The alien parents make up. Marty apologizes to Debbie. They decide to stay.
Note: Marty’s apology includes “I just wanted my kids to grow up in a nicer place than I did.” This is the second or third refrain of this idea. It motivates and humanizes his character. It excuses anything he may have done wrong. It’s relatable and simple.
END OF ACT TWO

TAG
Marty and Wilt share a beer in the spaceship and we learn the Wilt and Jackie argued late into the night. Marty relates. Wilt reveals that “We will not be hearing from her anytime soon.” Marty is concerned. The end.
*One thing that feels like it was missing is the significance of breaking the Pupar. Does this mean they can’t go back?*