Cabin 13
 
3
Emma is questioned by the local cop about the dead body on her porch. At the end of the chapter, she asked to be brought to the local bar, teddies.
 
4
Emma goes to teddies. She meets Jake and they have a connection. We sense he has a secret. In a monologue tells us that her boyfriend, Greg, is still missing. There’s a dust up with the local cops.
 
5
Jake gives Emma a ride home. She plays dumb when he brings up the disappearances. He says he’ll tell her everything tomorrow at breakfast.
 
Most of breakfast, they flirt. Then in prose, the author describes that she didn’t learn anything new from Jake about the disappearances, but it was good to get an insight into the suffering of the people in town.
 
 
6
Emma talked about how she’s been getting along with Jake every day since she got to town. She says she talk to the mother of a victim and the mother said that the killing didn’t make sense. There’s a fight in the park between one man who thinks another man killed his daughter.
 
Then Emma goes to one of the crime scenes. She gives a recap on what happened. Victim is found near train tracks. Explain that one victim was found a few feet over the state line into North Carolina from Virginia and that’s why she is there as the FBI.
 
Back home that night Emma is talking to her best friend on the phone. They are gossiping about Jake. Then Jake shows up with dinner for her.
 
Note: this is basically a romance so far
 
 
7
Jake’s dad was dug up from his grave. Jake and Emma go check it out. The cops or something like that I deserve this or it shouldn’t be a surprise or something.
 
8
Emma takes care of Jake at Home. They talk about Jake’s family. She brings up the thing the cops out about Jake’s dad not being trustworthy or whatever. Jake says people in this town blame him for stuff that happened a long time ago and they shouldn’t.
 
 
9
Emma discusses the desecration of the grave with her friend and tries to make sense of it. Is there a connection between this desecration, and the other crimes in town? Emma returns to the scene of the crime. She finds a creepy dog these tied to a tree. Decides not to follow a mysterious path because he has no service. Cliffhanger: the chief left a note on her door, called her to the station.
 
10
The chief further questions, Emma, about what happened with the body on her porch. She doesn’t give them any information about the note. I’m over here is the cops discussing Jake and follows them to his bar. Cliffhanger: Jake’s about to be questioned by the police.
 
Note: in the previous chapter, the chief asked M if she had a connection to Florida. She denied it.
 
11
Flashback scene. And impressionist memory of a Florida waterpark. Introduces her dad before he disappeared, I think. Creates a sense of intrigue and mystery, even though it’s mostly garbage.
 
Builds on Main mystery by confirming that she lied about whether or not she knew anyone in Florida.
 
Note: structured kind of like a sitcom. The a story mystery takes up most scenes. Then there’s the best story of Jake’s dad‘s grave. Then there’s the sea story, which is the mystery surrounding her childhood and the disappearance of her family. Their interwoven in a way that demonstrates a connection, but only hints at it. Also, the B story is directly related to her love interest so those scenes also further the romantic thread, which is kind of a story all its own.
 
12
The cops question Jake about his dad’s disappearance. Jake recognizes in their faces that they have found the bones. Take Russia’s out to some old man’s house where the bones are. Emma has to restrain him and pull him away.
 
13
Emma and Jake discuss Jake’s dad’s death. Jake thinks the guy who took up the bones also murder his dad. We got backstory on how Jake’s dad took down a lot of people in town with his business ethics because they were money launderers. They kiss.
 
14
A flashback chapter. Discusses Emma’s childhood. Reveals that Emma’s murder mother was murdered gives ominous feeling.
 
15
Emma has problems with her house. The guy comes over to fix it. She finds out that although the house was supposedly abandoned an old lady named Wendy died there. Also found out someone stayed here six months ago, even though nobody told her that.
 
16
Emma wants to go back to the hidden path but she can’t because she needs to lose Jake for that. So she goes to the police department and ask them about the guy who turned up that on her porch. It’s kind of weird because they don’t know she’s an agent, but she kind of acts like one. Not a big deal I guess.
 
Note: she doesn’t discuss this plan with anyone she just goes and does it. If the character is active an opportunistic, anything to turn to plot.
 
Emma goes to the hotel where Ron Murdoch stayed before he showed up dead on her porch. She watches the footage of him. Notices he arrived with no bags wearing the same clothes he died in. Makes up a silly excuse to get rid of a lady, and then takes pictures of the Registration Book.
 
Note: you can keep little investigative moments like this very simple, and they work.
 
Cliffhanger: shots ring out
 
17
The chief shows up to investigate the shot fired. He and Emma go toe to toe. Neither understands why the other is there. Emma goes home to reviews the photos she took in the registration office Ron Murdoch had stayed there, but the address he gave us from the movie Field of dreams Steaks raising ending line: the chief was with that random woman last night, and there’s something suspicious about it…
 
18
Emma talks to her friend, being. She’s back near the train tracks at night investigating the secret path. She reveals her theory that the chief of police is the killer. She hears something and gets scared. There’s a suspenseful sequence where she runs back to the cabin.
 
Cliffhanger: as she slipped inside, she sees a shadow swing into the woods.
 
19
Emma secretly infiltrates the motel. She steals her registration book. She go somewhere and looks inside.
 
Cliffhanger: she implies that she did a good job finding the book. it has what she needs.
 
Note: this is another instance, where we don’t know what she’s doing or her plan, and that question is a big part of it pulls you through the scene.
 
20
The registration book that contained Murdochs name also contains the name of one of the murdered girls (Cristela). While reviewing the information, Emma binds with a waitress who recognizes a location from the murdered girls, Instagram. It’s a bar down the road. Emma decides to go there.
 
21
Detective goes to local bar to question the Chiefs secret girlfriend. She thinks the girlfriend lied about some stuff. Cliffhanger: shattered glass in the car. She discovers that someone shattered the light on the force that got her to safety last night. This is a direct threat.
 
Note: a lot of the suspense comes from it, the killer threatening her while she investigates. She’s not really learning too much information and investigation, but the quiet threats are growing.
 
22
Jake invites her for dinner. He tells her the guy who desecrated his fathers grave was let go by the police. She knows too much about procedure and almost gives herself away. Finally, he insists on following her home in his car to make sure she gets back safe. Cliffhanger: they both discover a bunch of pictures strewn across the coffee table.
 
23.
The photos are the detectors stash of crime scene photos she got from the FBI. Jake is confused and freaked out. She doesn’t she’s a true crime fan. That buys her some trust. Penny spots the shake that she got another time investigation and she almost killed Scott.
 
 
24
Emma visits call at his house. This is the guy the cops suspect dug up the grave. She cc too weak to do that. I need denies it anyway. He also keeps referencing something with Jake’s dad and he doesn’t want to talk about. I’m a strata no nerve – – Emma strikes a nerve with Kole. He signs the door in her face.
 
Emma goes to Jake’s dad‘s grave. The chief fines are there. She throws suspicion in his face. Jake shows up. Jake and the chief are both upset that Ayla is crying around.
 
25
Emma and Jake share a heartfelt moment as Jake honors the anniversary of his wife’s passing. Emma tells Jake that she thinks the chief might be the killer, pretty much.
 
26
Emma gets a call from her FBI partner. He found a picture of the dead cabin guy with her parents from Animal Kingdom in 1998. Neither of them understand what that means but it seems the man was following her. Then she calls Jake and says, how can you explain that you were at Animal Kingdom five years before it opened? This must be a reference to an earlier story he told and it shows a discrepancy. Is Jake the killer?
 
27
Jake clears up the misunderstanding by the theme park. She goes to his house to wait for him. He doesn’t come home. She goes to the bar and turns on the lights and there is blood on her hands.
 
28
Emma goes to the police station. The chief acts like he never knew about this murder. She goes to the bar of the chief. She looked and Jake’s book to see who he gave her the last ride to. The Paige has been ripped out. Cliffhanger Kole, and she confirmed that the chief had knocked up a previous victim.
 
29
Emma’s FBI boss calls her. He wants to take her off the case. She gets two extra days, but if she fails it’s her badge. She goes back to question the chief about his affair. He tells her he had an alibi for Jake’s killing last night. It’s another woman he’s sleeping with.
 
 
30
I’m not goes to the graveyard. She wonders why Jake’s dad and ex-wife are not buried with the rest of the family in the family plot. She goes home and talks to her FBI partner on the phone. She discover something in the laundry and tells him to get the team ready to Rush in.
 
31
Emma remembers a bunch of stuff. Jake told her about his childhood. Her feet take her to an old cabin out in the woods. She thinks this is where he grew up with his grandmother. At the bottom of the stairs of a secret compartment, she finds a new door. She pushes it open and suddenly knows what happened to all the bodies.
 
Also, it smells.
 
32
Jake shows up at the dungeon. She tries to escape but gets trapped in there with him. He kisses her.
 
 
What are the elements that make this book memorable?
The body on the doorstep
Giving people a ride home from the bar.
The scene of the people posed in the basement.
There are a couple of other twists that are good to I think, but I can’t remember them. I look back at the outline.
 
33
Jake reveals his master plan. Emma realizes that building his trust in her back up, is going to be able to get her out of there.
 
20 out of 220 pages remain
 
34
Jake explains why he did everything. Why he chose his victims and how. The backstory of his life growing up as a bastard child of love affair, etc.
 
35
Emma escapes. Then he catches her. Then she escapes again when she leaves the house on fire. Then they fall off the roof together and everything goes dark.
 
36
Emma is in the hospital. She learns about what happened to Jake. She gets caught up on what’s going on to wrap up the case. She learns that Jake’s family is coming into town.
 
She feels a little conflicted, because he was treated so poorly to become a murderer like this
 
Epilogue
Emma. Claire’s at the cabin in with her FBI partner. She reveals that he slipped her some information about her boyfriends disappearance as a little. Thank you about this case. She’s going to Main to look into it during her time off. Also, maybe Iowa?
 
 
 
​

​Winter’s Mourn
 
Before
Description of what has happened to Winters family
 
One
Winter talking about the tragedy of hotel room?
Teacher perspective watching her
Nohe third person, talking to winter, exposition about this case, and her past flirty.
 
2
Winter and her partner go out to the burial site with the local police. For winter, the cycle is red. She knows they’re other victims there. Power for a while.
 
3
Winter convinces the local cops to order the site get dug up. Us to dinner with your partner, and then some romantic energy. He asked her about her ability to see the truth, and she tells him about how she sees things and read.
 
4
The question, the farmer guy and his kid. The hunter who found the body.
 
5
Winter explains the beef she had with the waitress. Explain the accident that led to her powers. Noah listens to it all.
 
6
Noah and winter go back to the site. The crew is there to dig of the bones that she suspects are underground because she saw them growing red. The people find the first body belongs to a cow. Not encouraging. Nohe and winter go home to the hotel to change clothes and regroup
 
7
Back at the hotel, the lady who owns the place clues winter in on the cold. Gives Windsor the name of an old reporter who might be able to help. But they’re called the guy and he says he’ll talk to her she bring some pastry in a coffee. There’s also a beater two of winter in her coworker checking each other out in the room. But they keep it professional.
 
8
Interview the reporter. He gives them his files on the cold. They leave with the feeling that he’s holding something back.
 
The next part of the chapter is third person omniscient following the reporter. It reveals that there’s more files on the cold he didn’t give them. Then someone steals the files and shoots him.
 
9
They question the current owner of the farm where the cult was. She says she lives alone, but they see a little girl shoes there. Nohe flirts with the lady and that pisses winter off. They roll past the burial site afterwards. Cliffhanger: two more bodies were found. Winter was right. This is a burial site.
 
10
They discussed the dead kids at the burial site. They decide to go back to talk to the old man. There’s a short scene, where a house cleaner discovers the old man dead. Then winter and Noah, find the hysterical made and talk to her and review the crime scene. Then winter goes back inside to see if her glowing trick works in there at all. Then the local cops arrive.
 
11
First person – – the preacher in winter‘s motel room. He steals back the camera and the photo he left in there. Then winter end, Noah discuss the crime scene and how it was the first dead body she had seen in a while they discuss what she saw with her abilities, which wasn’t much that was helpful. They got McDonald’s, they flirt, she goes in her room inside the room she can tell the preacher stole her stuff And she makes a lot of noise tearing a picture off the wall to see if a new camera was installed. No one knocks on her door and she opens at holding the gun.
 
12
Noah discovers winter collapsed. She gets a bloody nose and has a vision of a girl in a cage back at the farm. She tells him about the preacher and he makes her stay in his room.
 
Winter wakes up and has a feeling that the girl died. They gonna talk to the receptionist who appointed them to the reporter the receptionist points them to a librarian who might be able to help Caroline.
 
Caroline knows which towns people used to be a part of the cult. She agrees to give them names. The first time she gives them is David Benton, father of the cop that has been annoying winter.
 
They go back to the burial site. Find out that more bodies have turned up. One of them I’m much more recent victim. Share the news about David Benton. Leave.
 
Winter realizes that the new body is the girl she saw on her vision. She locates the same girl as a missing person online. They feed that information with some bogus information to the cops so Winters abilities are and figure it out. They decide to go back to the farm where Nohe can flirt with the owner to get a tour of the property for them.
 
14
They intrude at Rebecca Arthur’s Farm. They convince her to give them a tour a couple of days from now. She agrees because he wants to prove her dad had nothing to do with this.
 
15
Quick scene with Tommy Benton. It just paint them as an drunk asshole who hates winter. Mostly there to raise pension and steaks for the next theme.
 
Then winter and Noah question Tommy at the station. Tom is a hothead, and he gets pulled off the  case.
 
Little seen where Sam has a conflict with winter. She says winter should’ve died the night her parents did. And she gets embarrassed and leaves.
 
 
 
16
They go to the house that winter grew up in. In a flashback we see the night. She discovered her parents dead. The night she got attacked.
 
Later at a coffee shop, winter tells Nohe about her experience after getting bullied in school. He realizes he might be falling in love with her.
 
 
17
The question Tom’s dad. He’s a fancy businessman. He has a handicap sign. He kicks them out.
 
A quick summary reveals that the other cult members wouldn’t talk to them, and that it was probably because David had called and warned them. The scene ends as Nohe Xpress serious interest in dating winter
 
Winter and foreigner show up to question Tom. It’s a sequel seen for Tom, we’re learning about how he feels about his wife’s pregnancy, etc. Well, then it kind of turns into a goal for him because he rebuffs them and says he won’t talk to them at his house. Arranges for a meet up later.
 
Later, Brendan tells them that his parents were in the cold, and his disabled brother was born there and then they moved. He didn’t say much else. This is like the long, no conflict end of a scene that started many chapters ago.
 
 
18
Noah and winter discuss next steps. Windsor gets a call from the medical examiner. The one adult body found at the burial site had recently given birth. Wonder and Nohe agree that Rebecca archers child might not be here at all…
 
There’s a fire at Rebecca’s. They go there and try to get information from the chief. They don’t get too much. They get a call. It’s Tom Benton. His pregnant wife, Samantha, is gone.
 
 
19
Recap on her conversation with Tom about Samantha missing.
 
They do research back at the hotel while Windsor showers Noah convinces David Benton to take another interview
 
David bed and talks about his time in the cold talks about how his wife had a deformed baby and then other women in the cold. Also had four babies cliffhanger calling than a baby disappeared.
 
21
David shares more information about babies who were taken from the farm
 
Noah and winter get runoff the road by a truck
 
Back at the hotel, they got a call from their boss and he tells them that Agent Paris will be joining them in the field. This is the agent who worked with winter when her parents died all those years ago. She’s very upset about it.
 
 
22
Aiden shows up. He arrives to find the two agent sharing a room. It’s kind of weird, but Windsor doesn’t care.
 
No, I’ll call someone and it’s a dead end. Winter finds a photo of the cult leader with the man who sold a fertility drug. This is a relevant because fertility problems happened in the cult and then all the ladies in the cult died of cancer did decide to go see the man in the photo – – he served in Vietnam with the cult leader.
 
They question the connection. Winter see something glowing red. They got kicked out. Cliffhanger: the house goes up in flames seconds after they leave.
 
23
Inside winter tries to rescue whatever was glowing red from the wall. The fire Burns.
 
Later, they find a secret passage that leads to the forest from the office that exploded. It seems Kennedy, the owner of the home, is gone.
 
25
Paris, reprimands winter for running into the house by herself. Through inner monologue, we learned that he’s into her. After that, Noah reprimands her. This is kind of a pissing contest between two guys are both want winter.
 
These moments have a genuine romance novel quality to them. Both guys have the goal of winning over winter or protecting her and that’s what the scene was, the resultant conflict.
 
26
Discuss his next steps. Decide to question daltons brother. Also decide to talk to dna expert.
 
DNA specialist tells them about the drug to create babies and make them peaceful.
 
Evil. Drug could potentially be used to take over the world.
 
27
They go talk to his brother. It’s kind of a dead end of the brother is really happy that his brother is in trouble.
 
Someone tries to kill winter in the others in the parking garage.They apprehend him.
 
28
The agents realize the media is in town. The agents visit Tom at home. He wants him to find Samantha. Back at the station, they recap, they realize that Samantha might be with Rebecca. They realize if she miscarried she might be of no value as a test subject for the drug Rebecca‘s father developed. Then she might get killed.
 
29
They question the father of the child who is murdered. They commit to finding the guy who did this a.k.a. Wesley the cult leader. Then winter fines online the house, they think the bad guys hiding out to be clear: the bad guy is the person who burned their house, and then ran away. The scientist named Dalton that developed the drug that Wesley used on the women to create the peaceful babies but accidentally Made the babies handicapped and gave the women cancer.
 
Note: at a certain point, the mystery of who did this ends, and it becomes a chase to catch the bad guy then maybe there’s a twist
 
30
They go to the farm Nohe takes baby Genna to safety winter confronts Sam and Rebecca archer. Aiden is shot then the drug developer guy Knox winter out.
 
31
They basically catch the bad guys he didn’t get shot. Winter got shot. Nohe saves the day.
 
32
Winter visits, Aiden in the hospital and tells him the inner workings of how the bad guys did the crime.
 
Winter visit Samantha in her hospital room and learns that she had another miscarriage and it was unavoidable time the drunk cop boyfriend is there winter leaves
 
33
Windsor finds a creepy note from the preacher on her car.
 
 
She goes back to her grandmas house to stay with her grandma after making sure she’s not being followed. She tells her grandma she might wanna go back to her childhood home in the murders happen to investigate more.
 
Note: the main murder has been solved for like 20 pages now. It feels really weird to have all this happening after that.
 
34
Windsor goes back to Harrisonburg. She visits Sam and Tom and learned that they are going to adopt Jenna. She heals that relationship and they kind of become friends again.
 
She goes back to the home where her parents were murdered. It’s creepy she has a vision of the killers face she finds a scary note in the fireplace with a picture of her brother, who was kidnapped
 
To be continued…
 
 
​

​James, Patterson: first to die
 
Prologue
First person present.
Lindsey is suicidal.
Exposition provided.
Intrigue: why is she suicidal? Prompted with lines like “I am reminded of Chris and that starts me crying.”
Last line introduces David and Melanie’s murder: “that was the beginning.”
 
Chapter 1
3 person limited from the perspective of a husband it’s about to die.
Cliffhanger: someone is at the door.
 
Chapter 2
3 person perspective, Limited: fill up the killer.
Couple as killed
Cliffhanger: implication that the bride was raped.
 
Chapter 3
1 person, Lindsey.
Learns she has a fatal illness.
 
Chapter 4
First person, Lindsey.
She gets the details on the diagnosis.
Cliffhanger: Lindsey is called away to the hotel murder
 
Note: professional, and personal stakes set up immediately.
 
Chapter 5
First person, Lindsey.
Arrives at scene and takes charge. We see her status here.
Meet Lindsey’s partner and the dead bodies
Oomph: shocking image of the bride in her wedding dress.
 
Chapter 6
Lindsey investigates and delegates. She’s shaking up by the scene.
SREL: Lindsey cries and there’s a jokey button
 
Chapter 7
Killer third person point of view.
Inner monologue of the killer and he is sick.
 
Chapter 8
We meet Cindy in third person limited
Reporter.
Cliffhanger: she sneaks into the hotel to report on the murder
 
Chapter 9
Cindy is kicked out of the hotel.
She talks to Lindsay in the laboratory.
 
Chapter 10.
Lindsey and her partner at the police station, discussing case.
Cliffhanger: we meet Lindsey is threatening boss
 
Note: pro summarizes, what the partner learned in his investigation, and then we jump to dialogue for personal revelations.
 
Chapter 11
Lindsey at home. Exposition dump. Dealing with her diagnosis.
Oomph: she starts crying again.
 
Chapter 12.
Lindsey at the lieutenants office. Saddled with new partner, Chris Raleigh.
Oomph: “you ever get to see a dead body while you were at Northern?”
 
Chapter 13.
Morgue. Meet Lindsey’s friend, Claire. Expedition dump
Oomph: “you better hold onto that man tight.“
 
Chapter 14.
Lindsey meets the corner. Describes atrocities.
Twang: killer could have been a guest
 
Chapter 15.
Cindy, third person. At the newspaper offices. Editor says the steaks. Other crime writers want this story.
SREL: if you want this, you better find a police source on the inside, quick.
 
Chapter 16.
Lindsey, first person.
Lindsey and Chris walk back to the office and argue over suspects. Wonder why the killer would have left the jacket.
SREL: only serial killers, have a signature moves like that
 
Chapter 17 killer perspective, third person limited.
We learned that this guy is, in fact, a serial killer.
Twang: this guy has a list of bride and grooms to kill
 
Note: dramatic irony, here with the killer raises the stakes.
 
Chapter 18.
first person, Lindsey.
Lizzy has a call with Cindy, the reporter. Cindy says there is a connection between the victims father and Russia.
Cliffhanger: the to make a step toward friendship.
 
Note: Lindsey and Cindy, both have a boss who underestimate them and wants a ““ real professional on it,
 
Chapter 19
First person, Lindsey. At the Hyatt where the victims were found.
Lindsay replays the imagined crime in her head and wonders what she is missing.
Twang: Lindsey realizes the wedding rings are missing from the victims.
 
Chapter 20
Lindsey learns more about her disease. She connects her fight to overcome the disease directly with her fight to become Lieutenant. Consider the teeth reaction. Ask the doctor if she can work.
“The case, my career, all the goals of my life. The stakes have changed.“
oomph: Lindsay tells the doctor to start treatment right now. This is a big character revealing moment.
 
Chapter 21
Chief pressures Lindsey, because the Russia theories have the FBI circling. Lindsey talks to the father of the groom and he dispels the rest are rumors. Lizzy calls Claire, and there is a reaction, dilemma, decision recap.
SREL: Chris Raleigh has gotten a hold of the guest list from the wedding.
 
 
Note: Lindsey‘s illness plays almost no role in the scenes that aren’t about her illness yet her police work always is mentioned in the medical scenes.
 
Chapter 22 Lindsey goes through the guest list with Chris at a coffee shop,
Lindsey decides to ask about his personal life. “If we were going to be thrown together, we might as well get it out and the truth was I was curious.“
Exposition: both have bad break ups. This teases the romance between them.
Cliffhanger: Lindsey thinks of him romantically
 
Chapter 23
Philip the killer third person limited.
It’s a sit in between the bride and her mom at the department store.
 
Twang: fill up the killer is watching them.
 
Chapter 24 Lindsey has a conversation with her downgraded partner, Jacob. They discuss the case.
Stakes racing ending line: Jacob asserts this will happen again
 
Chapter 25
Chris invites Lindsey for a beer and she stays back instead. Loneliness over crumbs her.
Stakes raising ending line: Lindsey cries. This is the second time her emotions have been the button on the scene
 
Chapter 26
Becky, the bride third person limited.
Becky and her new husband are approached by a limo driver who wants to give them a ride.
Cliffhanger: Becky convinces her husband that they should except the ride.
 
Suspense: scene asks a dangerous question and the cliffhanger answers it.
 
Chapter 27
Killers perspective, third person limited.
The killer takes them up a hill. He realizes he has what himself which is a callback to a urine clue at the first scene.
Cliffhanger: murders are committed
 
Chapter 28 new line Lindsey first person.
Lindsey feels peaceful on the run. Chris calls.
Cliffhanger: dead couple in Napa.
 
Chapter 29
Lindsey discusses the new victims with a local cop.
Cliffhanger: cop reveals that he knows it’s a Murder. The restaurant called the hotel to confirm the couples reservation the prior night, but the restaurant never calls to confirm reservations. This explains how the killer knew where they were
 
Chapter 30.
At the Napa spa. Lindsey realizes a couple may have been tricked into a limo.
Cliffhanger: Cindy Thomas, the reporter shows up
 
Chapter 31 Cindy wants in on this. She’s pissed a lot of it together. Lindsay placates her and promises her a scoop and says she will ride back to San Francisco with the reporter.
 
Chapter 32
Lindsay and Cindy bond. They have a lot in common, including the dads.
Twang: Lindsey invites Cindy to dinner with Lindsey‘s closest friend
 
Chapter 33
Lindsey, Claire and Cindy bond. They discuss their horrible male bosses.
Heartfelt button: Lindsey reveals she feels connected for the first time in a long time.
 
Chapter 34
Lindsey pitches the women’s murder club to her friends
Claire and Cindy agree
 
Chapter 35
Riley is mad that Lindsey gave Cindy access to the story. Once he convinces him to let it go.
Twang: Lindsey gets a call informing her that the bodies have been found.
Chapter 36
Lindsey sees the bodies. Local police answer her questions. She thinks something doesn’t add up.
Question button: what were we missing?
 
Chapter 37
Still in Napa. Lindsey reviewed the scene with Chris and Claire. Decide that they really want to catch this sicko, not just for work, but for their own personal sense of justice.
 
Note: shifting perspective on how bad they want justice can be applied point.
 
Chapter 38
Fill up the killer third person limited.
He’s in an airport.
I need to couple on my way to Las Vegas to be married
 
Chapter 39
Lindsey and Claire discuss Lindsey‘s relationship with Chris.
Cliffhanger: Lindsey asks Claire… “Have you ever heard of this type of anemia?“
 
Note: Lindsey tries and fails to tell Claire a few times about her disease, and then only tells her here. It’s great how long she put it off. Creates more suspense and makes this meaning of this moment more impactful
 
Chapter 40
Lindsey tells Claire and Claire is very supportive and an ultimate fantasy moment.
 
Chapter 41
Reaction, dilemma, decision. Lindsey describes the media frenzy after Napa. She describes her need to solve this crime.
Stakes racing ending line: Lindsey says that this killer is going after our sense of hub
 
Chapter 42
Claire‘s perspective, third person.
Claire process is Lindsey‘s illness and her husband is very kind.
This race is the stakes for Lindsey‘s illness because Claire is a doctor and she is scared.
 
Chapter 43.
Clara shows Lindsay the discovery she found in the first couples body.
The killer’s beard hair was found inside the victims vagina, and that as a stakes raising ending line
 
Note: other characters are advancing the plot through their own personal missions, and that advances Lindsey story as well.
 
Chapter 44.
Lindsey describes various dead ends.
Stakes racing ending line: she’s frustrated because she hasn’t found a clue
 
Chapter 45
Women’s murder club meets and they try to figure out where this guy would go to find his victims.
They decide who to go to a wedding dress shop
 
Chapter 46
Lindsay goes to the wedding dress shop. She questions the employees and learns that both brides bought their wedding dresses at that shop. The woman says she saw a bearded man lurking recently.
Cliffhanger: the employee folder listing all future brides has gone missing.
 
Chapter 47.
Chris tells Lindsey that the bosses have involve the FBI. Lindsey gets overwhelmed and wants to reveal her disease to Chris. Instead, he hugged her and asked her to coffee. This further the love story that also raises the states with the FBI.
 
Chapter 48.
Philip the killer, third person perspective.
Phillip checked into a hotel for a wedding and he has a creepy inner monologue.
Cliffhanger: he’s in Cleveland
 
 
 
Chapter 49
Lindsey dreams about red beers. So much is a better door and it’s Chris.
 
Chapter 50.
Chris has wine. Lindsey lets herself dance with him. This is a big romance plot point
 
Chapter 51
Philip kills a bride and groom in Cleveland.
Phillip takes time to imagine what the cops will find. This is a good and creepy technique.
 
Chapter 52.
Lindsey‘s point of view.
She questions guests from the first wedding and gets a description of the guy.
Cliffhanger: phone rings. Dead bodies were found in Cleveland.
 
Note: whenever something big happens off screen, there’s a plot point where we watch Lindsey learn about it.
 
Chapter 53.
The cop in Ohio describes the murders.
Cliff hanger: Lindsey says she’ll be there tomorrow.
 
Note: the Ohio police confirmed that the same signature as the San Francisco killer was used.
 
Note: illness is a great secret and barrier in the romantic subplot. It’s just a story in Lindsay‘s own head, though. That’s why it’s perfect for a book. She thinks the owners will be a problem and it’s just inner tumult.
 
 
Chapter 54
Lindsey arrives in Ohio. Inner monologue of confusion. Stakes racing ending line red beard could be anywhere
 
Chapter 55
Lindsey questions hotel staff and local carbs.
Steaks raising ending line: Lindsey suggest that they search for red Beard
 
Chapter 56
Lindsey questions of victims family.
Ending line: “I was certain whoever did this had to of known her.“
 
Chapter 57
Lindsey questions the victims best friend. The best friend reveals the bride had been cheating until the very end.
 
Chapter 58
Lindsey unpacked everything with Chris. She has an inner monologue about their relationship.
Stakes raising ending line: why don’t you call me Chris?“ chapter
 
Chapter 59
Lindsey and Chris kiss. She is conflict. It won’t go further or tell him why.
 
Chapter 60.
Cop show Lindsay security camera footage of killer.
Steaks raising ending line: “I was also sure we were looking at Kathy’s secret lover.”
 
Note: nothing really happens here other than confirming that the guy was there. The line at the end doesn’t really raise the stakes, but it provides a good sense of energy.
 
Chapter 61
Lindsey tries to get to the sister of the victim and make her name the killer. Fails.
Stakes raising ending line: she hung up the phone.
 
Tip: following a hunch. Hunters don’t need to be justified only followed. This leads to plot an active hero.
 
Chapter 62
Murdered bride‘s friend reveals that the bride left San Francisco because of relationship with a dangerous man. Says the sister might know the name of the man.
Stakes racing ending line: four shadows that new victims might be coming soon.
 
Note: if you get Stonewald at one point in the story, the person who Stonewald, you can be forthcoming later to provide the plot and information you wanted
 
Chapter 63
Catch up seen on where were at
Cliffhanger Lindsey arranges a meeting of the Lady club
 
Chapter 64
Meeting of the murder club. Lindsey agrees to let Cindy investigate the death of the Ohio bride and her San Francisco life. The girls discuss Lindsey and Chris.
Concluding line: Lindsey says she wants Chris and also to catch the Keller equally.
 
Chapter 65
Lindsey’s treatment is not working.
 
Ch 66
 
React to Illness
Connect the case to get will to live
 
67
Ohio bride mom tells L the name of red beard
He’s famous
Nick jenks
 
68
LT gives ok to talk to DA
DA not avail
Jacobi research on the champagne comes back
Three cases bought by Nick Jenks
 
69
L finds nicks book
His red beard face on back cover
 
Book 3
 
70
Meet ADA Jill
Skeptical
SREL: L thinks of adding her to club
 
71
Cindy finds old evidence of jenks and dead bride Ohio together
 
72 and 73 – missing.
 
74. Chris revealed his research. Jenks owned the type of gun in question.
Stakes racing ending line: I think it’s time we go see Jenks
 
75
Lindsey and Chris question Janks. James denies knowing Kathy.
Cliffhanger: they presented with a photo of him with the victim.
76,
 
76
Nicolas lives. Then he admits that he knew her. Then him and the interview.
Cliffhanger: wife emerges and asks if her husband is a killer
 
77
Nicolas third person limited.
Nicolas beat his wife.
He has sex with her like a dog.
Whole season raises the stakes. Confirms the killer. Shows his depravity and delusion in a new light.
 
*Looking back, this is a little manipulative Because we jump into Nicolas‘s perspective just to make him seem more guilty, and we technically don’t have his perspective anywhere else in the movie because of the twist later but oh well.
 
78
Lindsey questions nicks ex-wife..
Steaks freezing ending line: “woman to woman now, I said I need to ask you a crucial question.“
 
79
Lindsey has more conversation with Nicolas‘s ex and gave insight into her. But his goal is to find out if Nicolas is capable of murder.
Twang: X reveals that Nicolas wrote a Book Whered Verizon, grooms for killed
 
Note: new information, and insight, that even our picture of a killer leads to plot a momentum. This is how character development can be plot. Learning the new levels of depravity further the story somehow.
 
80
Cleveland place is Nicolas at the hotel. Cleveland’s involvement raises the stakes and makes Lindsey want to shirk procedure and pick Nicolas up for herself.
Lindsey decides to run this by the girls
 
82 Lindsay asked the girls about picking Nicolas up. They are unsure. Cindy request 24 hours to chase down her only first
 
83
Cindy’s third person limited perspective.
She goes to the writers Guild in San Francisco to find out if Nicolas is missing manuscript is in there. It is, but they won’t give it to her.
 
84.
district attorney Jill grants Lindsey access to the writers Guild library. They get a hold of the manuscript, which is very close to what has been happening. The last line is a creepy first line from the book
 
85 the girls read the book. The books describes the murders.
Steaks raising ending line: how does a Book end? With an arrest.
 
86 Lindsay arrests Nicolas. We are 75% into the story. This is the end of act three.
 
87
Lindsey and Chris hook up. They decide to go home together.
 
88
Lindsey had sex with Chris. Romantic climax after the climactic murder arrest. More in time for any sex she’s had before.
 
89
Chris and Lindsey talk about becoming a couple
 
90
Nicolas has his house inspected. They find all the evidence that was expected: champagne, tuxedo, pants, red hairs from beard
 
91.
At the lab, clarifying that the hair from the beard are perfect match for the hairs from the vagina.
 
92
Question jenks confront with evidence
Disease fears up
SREL l coughs up blood
 
93
Trial
oomph bail denied
 
94.
The murder club celebrates the collar. Lindsey still wants to find the weapon. She admits her illness to the club. They get her back.
 
95
Big twist. Jenks bodysuit removed to reveal a woman who is Framingham.
 
Book 4
 
96
Chris and Lindsey have sex at the ball game. This is the payoff of an earlier scene where she says she never had sex in an interesting place.
 
97
Jason says he’s being framed
 
98
Nicolas his wife says that he’s innocent.
 
99
Learns she is getting sicker
Chris invites her to cabin
She says yes
 
*love life improves while healthy declines, great way to create stakes and drama in this rest period while they think the crime is solved
 
*Amazing how it kicks in right away
 
100
Chris and Lindsey have sex on a boat near his cabin.
 
There is the feeling that this is all tinged with bitter sweetness because of her illness.
 
101
She tells Chris about the disease
He holds her
 
 
102 - begin ‘second guessing’ and convincing others sequence
 
Lindsey thinks back to a conversation she had with her partner
 
Why did the killer leave the champagne? Why have you left the jacket?
 
Later she remembers that the killer swung on her with his left hand and that the medical examiner was convinced the killer was right handed
 
103
Lindsey tells the murder club it might not have been Nicolas. They are very skeptical and annoyed. Their careers are on the line.
 
The entertain her theories.
 
They go back to the beginning. What was the one piece of evidence they needed to start putting Jenks away? It was a manuscript. The manuscript provided by his ex-wife.
 
Note: somebody makes the point that why would Jenks have left so many clues around if he’s such a prolific murder writer. It’s interesting that no one makes this point sooner. They are going with momentum instead of getting caught up in details and asking too many anxious questions. That’s a really helpful tool because now we can use those questions to actually change the plot instead of just going in circles about it earlier.
 
 
 
104
L questions Nicholas‘s agent about his ex-wife, Joanna
 
Starts to get her head around the idea that the killer could’ve been a female
 
We also get a look back through her memory at when we met Joanna. She was a martial arts, instructor and very tough.
 
105
Lindsey tells Christopher theory
 
Lindsey passes out on the sidewalk
 
106
Lindsey strength returns.
 
SREL: she says that she thinks the killer is still out there. This is the first time she had said this really resoundingly I think.
 
107
Lindsey ask James about who might’ve wanted to frame him. They discuss his ex-wife, Joanna. We find out that Joanna used to work at Sachs, which is where a couple of the victims were cased.
 
Now the book is following the pattern we saw earlier. We all know that the killer is Johanna and we’re watching Lindsey piece it together.
 
108
Lindsey and Cindy team up to convince district attorney Jill to authorize a search on Joanna’s house. Joe refuses. Finally she gives him. If you can connect Johanna to the names of the victims from her socks job that I authorize a search of her house.
 
109
A doctor’s office. Lindsey has told she is healing. She steps outside in life seems sweeter.
 
110
Lindsey has sex with Chris. Lindsey gets a call and find out Nicholas Jensen has escaped.
 
111
Deus ex Maquina earthquake sets, jenks free. He’s convinced to prove his innocence and he’s sure that the cops won’t figure it out before him. Great way to introduce an exciting twist and add pressure to the cops.
 
112
The search for Nicholas begins. Lindsay asks her partner to watch the home of Nicholas‘s ex, and his former agent. If Nicolas really thinks he was set up, that’s where he’s going to go.
 
SREL: six hours into the search there was still no sign of Nicholas.
 
113
The girls react to Nicholas is escape. Lindsay urges them to look through all the evidence one more time because she’s convinced Nicholas didn’t do it.
 
114
A description of the killer getting dressed up as Nicolas. Third person limited.
 
115
Claire calls Lindsey down to the lab. She remembered the urine from the scene. Realized it didn’t belong to the victim but belong to the killer. Tested it for gender. It was from a woman. This clue of the urine was planted hundreds of pages ago. I had forgotten about it. This is awesome.
 
It works because the girls wrote it off for a very possible reason so they didn’t need to look into it further, but still, the author told us that had belong to the killer all along.
 
116
Claire confirmed that she agrees that Nicolas was innocent. Lindsey tells Claire about Lindsey’s improved health. The girls dance, and then get back to business.
 
117
Lindsey talks to her former partner and tell him to remain stationed outside of Joanna’s house. Then she invites Chris to meet the girls of the murder club.
 
118
Christy briefed on Lindsey’s theory cliffhanger: Jenks was sighted in Pacific Heights
 
119
As teams mobilize to go find Nicolas, Lindsey’s partner abandons his post on the real killer, Joanna. Lindsey gets a phone call from the narrator of Nicholas’s book, Phillip Campbell.
 
120
The call was from Nicholas. He knows who the killer was and he’s going to get them. It seems like this is a race.
 
121
Lindsey goes to Joanna‘s to explore with Chris. She thinks Joanna is the killer. Then she finds Johanna dead. Meanwhile, Chris follows a woman dressed as Nick. If it’s not Joanna, who is it?
 
122
Lindsey on the phone with Chris. The killer is running away. Lindsey realizes the killer is going to the palace of fine arts, we are Nichols married.
 
123
Lindsey goes to the scene. Chris has been shot. Nicolas is having a face off with his wife, chessy.
 
124
Lindsey shoots chessy. Jenks lives. Lindsay punches him anyway.
 
125
Chris dies. even though he’s dead, Lindsey shares that the doctor told her she’s going to be OK. It’s very sad.
 
126
Chris funeral. Meet his ex wife and kids. Sad and tender chapter.
​

​DEPRESSED ROOMIES BY CHARLIE KAUFMAN
 
GENERAL THOUGHTS
The concept of this pilot is interesting. Almost like a backwards pilot. Instead of one person moving into a new situation, it shows these guys who inadvertently populate their building with the characters who will make up the core of the show.
 
In some ways. this feels like an anti-pilot. Like someone forced Kaufman to write it. Or he was just jaded when he wrote it or something. So he kind of wrote this to flip them all of or something. Subverted lots of norms of the time and took the piss out of sitcoms as they existed.
 
What would a middle finger of a multi cam look like in today’s market? Like… You write it like a multi-cam and it has jokes and structure but it subverts expectations every step of the way. Like you don’t do heart at all, even if you set it up, and you have off kilter characters. or maybe you get meta about diversity and stuff? You get meta about people having to live their ‘authentic’ experiences? You have these snow flakey people being hypocrites? That would turn a mirror on Hollywood and on the culture possibly in a fun way…  Could do an interesting play on a will they wont they too.
 
That probably isn’t right for this show, but I think it’s actually pretty interesting and something to talk about.
 
Also this show would not have what people would describe as ‘legs’, I don’t think.
 
I guess the biggest odd couple thing here is a self loathing guy versus a guy who is obsessed with building confidence?
 
APARTMENT
Meet Arthur and Alan. Good, natural exposition. Interesting device for that: Alan’s self-indulgent dictation of his life story.  Problem established: new neighbor clomps. Alan goes to deal with it. Runner established: they love the checkout girl, “Rosa S.”
 
 
Odd couple vibes are not nearly as heavy handed. Maybe they are more on the Two Peas Scale.
 
 
Though I will say Alan is nerdy and Arthur is more social. Maybe this is kind of like… Autistic person living with non autistic person?
 
Or Arthur is just slightly less on the spectrum?
 
ROD’S PLACE
Alan goes to complain about clomping. Rod has a wooden leg. Alan gets weird and hurries away.
 
APARTMENT
Guys come up with new plan. Have Wooden Leg over for dinner and discuss clomping then. They argue a bit more about Rosa S.
 
LATER - DINNER WITH ROD
They mention the clomping. Rod is offended.
 
LATER
They discuss carpeting Rod’s apartment.
Decide to seduce (?) Alan’s cousin Eddie, the Carpet King.
 
THE NEXT NIGHT
The guys seduce the carpet king into agreeing to carpet Rod’s apartment.
 
BEDROOM
The guys fight over who gets to marry Eddie’s wife. But Alan is pretty clearly gay at this point. Their wrestling brings the downstairs neighbor to the door to complain.
 
LIVING ROOM
It’s not the neighbor at the door. It’s Eddie. He got kicked out. He brought Arthur flowers.
 
END OF ACT ONE
 
ACT TWO
 
BEDROOM
Arthur gets ready for date with Eddie. Alan is insecure about his looks and seeks re-assurance.
 
Odd Couple Vibes: Arthur is more of the quiet type. Alan is anxious and insecure.
 
DINNER
Arthur learns Eddie is moving in next to him. Eddie is loving his gay life. Arthur is not excited about this.
 
APARTMENT - THE NEXT WEEK MAYBE?
A male stripper is there for reasons unknown to me. Alan reveals he asked Rosa S. out on a date. Alan seems more confident. Arthur is not supportive. The carpet is in so Arthur is going over to dump Eddie.
 
EDDIE’S APARTMENT
Arthur dumps Eddie. Eddie begs but Arthur won’t relent.
 
LIVING ROOM
Eddie blasts music from next door so the guys have to yell to talk. Rosa S. approaches from outside. She may have a limp.
 
BUILDING ENTRANCE
Rod and Rosa meet. They bond over their fake legs. It is love.
 
APARTMENT
The guys eat alone at the dinner table, wondering where Rosa went. They argue. They wrestle.
 
ROD’S PLACE
Rosa confesses her dream of tap dancing. Rod says she can practice there. Rips up the carpeting.
 
APARTMENT
Eddie blasts music from next door. Rosa tap dances overhead. Alan receives flowers from Eddie.
The show ends.
 
 

TWO BROKE GIRLS - THOUGHTS
 
 
GENERAL THOUGHTS
This was not my favorite pilot. There was a good amount of exposition dumping. The plot relied on a couple of coincidences (like finding Caroline on the train), which I didn’t like. And I also didn’t buy it when Max’x boyfriend got all humpy with Caroline right away. Probably would have been better if she had gotten an inkling that the boyfriend had been cheating on Max with the girl from the band.
 
All that said: this is definitely an odd couple comedy. Max and Caroline are different in a lot of ways, but they are united by a belief in doing what’s right and being kind to people. They just show that kindness in different ways. So this show taught me that it could be good to have something to unite the odd couple if possible.
 
It was also interesting how they used the diner as Paige and I might use the family house in the show. A lot happens in the apartment, but the main story is propelled in the diner.
 
We could even utilize some competition within the home in the way they utilize competition at the diner. Like… Max does not think Caroline can do anything, and Caroline is inept at marrying ketchups. But then Caroline pulls through in the end.
 
What if one grandma thinks the new grandma will be bad at taking care of the kids or helping the busy family, but then the new grandma proves herself? What if new grandma is re-entering the lives of the family in a real way for the first time in years? Maybe she was off traveling and only existed on FaceTime before this pilot. Now she shows up and wants to be a part of the family, which threatens the first grandma’s role. Or maybe first grandma isn’t even threatened… She’s more like… You are never going to be able to do this and it’s going to be fun to watch you try.
 
I like the idea of the grandma who lives there being like Max. Salt of the earth. Hard working. No nonsense. Then the flighty one is the one who shows up and upsets the cart.
 
 
COLD OPEN - GENTRIFYING DINER
Max has conflict with two hipsters who snapped at her. She exposition dumps about how she is NOT a a hipster.
 
We get the sense that this is a very grimy diner.
 
DINER - THE NEXT NIGHT
 
Max gets paid by stereotype Asian, HAN who now goes by Bryce.
 
Max learns Paulina was fired for being a Russian hooker. She also gives EARL a cupcake and that shows she has a soft spot.
 
CAROLINE is introduced. She’s fussy and difficult and the rough uniform gives her hives, but she seems nice too. Max’s opposite.
 
Caroline smiles at a customer. Max holds her back and tells her to not be friendly and to keep the bar low.
 
Also gives her the DL on the clientele, the staff, etc. More exposition dumping that is not necessary.
 
FIVE MINUTES LATER
 
Max finds Caroline ‘marrying’ the ketchups. Learns that Caroline is daughter of a famous white collar criminal and just lost everything.
 
Agrees to give Caroline a chance as a waitress.
 
ODD COUPLE VIBES: Rich/poor. Grounded/not grounded. Materialist/not materialist. Dark/light. Street smart/not street smart.
 
 
2:30 AM THAT NIGHT
Max is generous with Caroline and gives her a big chunk of tips. This feels like the millionth tine we have gotten the message that Max is actually nice deep down. Similar to Charlie from 2.5 Men in that way.
 
Long runner because Lee is not American.
 
SIDEWALK - CONTINUOUS
Max finds out Caroline is ‘staying with a friend’
 
MAX’S APARTMENT - LATER
Her bf and his band are idiots and they used up all her cupcake eggs.
She wants to be mad but he charms her.
 
SUBWAY - NEXT DAY
Max finds Caroline asleep on the train car. Wakes her up. Caroline tazes her.
 
END OF ACT ONE
 
ACT TWO
 
SUBWAY/MAX’S APARTMENT
Max tells Caroline to stay at Max’s place. Then Max gives Caroline a quick tour and runs out for her second job.
 
TRIBECA LOFT
Max babysits for socialite PEACH. This character is important because she puts Caroline in perspective. Though Caroline may seem rich and spoiled she is NOT this, and it’s essential to get that across to Max/audience (just like how Max is not hipsters).
 
MAX’S APARTMENT
Caroline accosted by Max’s boyfriend. Carolines stands up for Max.
 
Good couple of beats here… Both girls learn and gain perspective on the other girl even when they are in scenes by themselves. Cool how they move the main story forward once the odd couple is split up.
 
DINER
Caroline vaguely says Max is “too good” for Max’s bf. Max gets mad and leaves.
 
This seems to be the ‘falling out’ beat. It is not very strong.
 
Caroline is left alone to deal with a parade of hungry hungry hipsters.
 
MAX’S APARTMENT
Max catches her bf cheating. References Caroline saying she’s too good for him in the break up.
 
DINER
Max shows up. Admits about the cheating boyfriend. Is impressed that Caroline handled the hipsters well.
 
Caroline shares tips. It’s a good pay off of the first act where Max shares tips with Caroline.
 
SIDEWALK
Max says Caroline can live in Max’s spare bedroom.
 
APARTMENT
Max volunteers to help Caroline grab her stuff from Manhattan the next day. Caroline says she only has one item she can get that’s not locked away…
 
BACKYARD - NEXT DAY
Caroline pitches the cupcake business idea to Max. Their $$$ total comes up over black.
​

​RESEARCH NOTES
 
2.5 MEN - THOUGHTS
 
ODD COUPLE VIBES - CHARLIE/ALAN
Rich/normal. Hot/weird. Player/married. Calm/anxious. Single/dad. Avoidant/anxious.
 
But where are they the SAME? I feel like odd couples share core values sometimes. And it’s these shared core values that make them living together believable. Also wherever they are the SAME… I feel like there’s some heart buried there. Maybe a shared love for Jake, the kid? Shared belief in family? Something like that.
 
GENERAL THOUGHTS
I love how clean and simple this pilot is. I love how every line furthers character in one direction or another. I love how little they do to set up the Rose runner, but then use the Rose runner to help Charlie realize how alone he is at the pivotal moment of the pilot. I like how they us the kid to show who each adult really is. It’s like a teacher said yesterday, “The beginning of school is weird because you meet people and you like them. But you don’t really know the other teachers until you see how they are with the kids.”
 
I also like how they set up the mom before she shows up. And I think the falling out fight between the guys is pretty strong. And I think it makes a ton of sense why Alan moves back in with Charlie in the end, and also makes a lot of sense why Charlie wants him and Jake there.
 
COLD OPEN
Establishes the conflict of the whole show. Bachelor guy and needy brother. But we see bachelor guy be decent in that first scene by agree to let brother stay over, so he’s not totally unlikable.
 
SCENE A:
Almost every line is in service of building character while also furthering the story. Crazy how they pull that off. If we had ANY doubts about the nature of this odd couple, Act 1/Scene 1 firmly establishes it as BACHELOR VS. DORKY CHIROPRACTOR. Interested to see how it deepens moving forward.
 
Important: Scene A also ends with a little twist/cliff-hanger moment of Rose peering in at  ‘Monkey Man’ through the window. This is AMAZING. It’s actually the second beat in a B story and we’re only two scenes in. Also: using PLOT that’s also a joke and a twist as the button is shockingly deft and hard to do. This is the kind of thing James Patterson does. Use plot to keep people reading, and use twists as buttons.
 
SCENE B
Jake wakes Charlie up. The way he does it provides conflict and reveals Jake’s character (also reveals how Jake will be a further foil to Charlie’s ne’er do well lifestyle). Jake referees Charlie’s cursing. He’s in Charlie’s bedroom (heretofore only seen as a sex playground). And he kind of judges Charlie for being hung over.
 
The way Charlie handles all of this is so weirdly charming. He handles it like he is NOT an anxious person. He’s not over-thinking. He’s just going with it. Think about how ALAN would have handled this exact same situation. Millions of questions about his visitor’s marriage troubles, fussing over his visitor’s bedroom and making it nice, talking to his therapist about how his visitor is an imposition and about all of his overthinking and anxiety related to the visit. Charlie not being anxious is a really key distinction in this odd couple.
 
RESET TO:
Living Room. Alan is talking over his relationship problems with his wife, Judith.
 
Note: is it bad that I relate to the way Alan is dealing with his separation? Especially the part when he tells Judith “Make a list. On one side of the paper write down what you don’t like about our marriage and on the other side, what you do.”
 
In this scene, Judith immediately is cold to Alan and chastises Charlie. By chastising Charlie, it helps put Charlie and Alan’s relationship in perspective. They may not know each other well, and Charlie may live a life that’s easy to judge, but Alan has not cast judgement on him yet in this episode. So even Judith is used to provide insight into the Charlie/Alan relationship.
 
Also, Jake’s dynamic with Charlie is perfect. The way he gleefully observes Charlie is like an improv game where you call out what’s weird in order to define the joke. I.E. Charlie mimes exploding head. Jake: “That’s his head exploding.” Also the line: “Grandma says you’re a bitter disappointment.”
 
I think Jake’s character who will say anything anytime is kind of a sitcom trope. Like some kind of a Greek chorus or something. A VERY useful character in an odd couple show.
 
RESET TO:
Deck. Charlie with Jake. Frank conversation about parent’s separating. Alan asks Charlie to make Jake lunch and also reveals that he and Jake will be staying with Charlie while Judith is in Vegas.
 
This is good plot plus comedy.
 
Also TWO lines set up the shitty grandma that will show up later in this scene:
 
Charlie: When I was your age, I could only dream of my parents splitting up.
 
Jake: Grandma says you’re a bitter disappointment.
 
SCENE C - GROCERY STORE
Charlies realizes Jake is good to pick up women.
We also learn that Charlie got rich making jingles.
 
Maybe the A story is “Will Alan move in with Charlie?” This question drives a lot of the scenes, including the Charlie/Jake scenes. Then the B story is “What the fuck is going on with Rose?”
 
I like the idea of posing stories as questions that need to be answered by the end of the pilot. I think I’ll use that trick moving forward. This is another trick that’s useful in writing thrillers. Questions and answers.
 
ACT TWO
 
SCENE D - LIVING ROOM
 
Alan cancels couple’s therapy.
Rose shows up looking for Charlie.
First scene that’s just about moving the Rose story forward (though it also pushes the Alan/Judith bit forward as well, because the opening line is about canceling couple’s therapy).
 
Note: The cancelling couple’s therapy line says “Something came up. It’s kind of personal.” So cool how this line hooks the viewer just a tiny bit but kind of throws it away. What came up? What’s personal? I gotta know!
 
DISSOLVE TO:
 
SCENE E - CHARLIE’S KITCHEN
Charlie and Alan get in a fight because Alan let Rose in and Rose glued Charlie’s cabinets shut again.
 
This is AMAZING because they are fighting about all the little things neither mentioned in earlier scenes.
 
—> Charlie calls Alan weird because he brought his own sheets
—> Alan calls Charlie a ‘deeply disturbed man’. Alan takes a shot at Charlie’s promiscuity.
—> Charlie takes a dig at Alan’s crumbling marriage
 
Then there’s another TWUBBON (AKA TWIST BUTTON)… Their mom shows up. We’ve already learned she isn’t so great. This is wonderful.
 
It’s so cool because this scene where they yell at each other reveals that they were both biting their tongues and on their best behavior earlier. It’s not that they weren’t judging each other, as I suggested. Instead it’s that they were NOT saying their judgements out loud. I think that’s cool because it buys time for us to see the guys kind of getting along or being kind to each other before they rip into each other, so we’re kind of rooting for this odd family to succeed. I LOVE THIS.
 
 
END OF ACT ONE
 
—
 
ACT TWO
 
SCENE H - LIVING ROOM
 
EVELYN (the mom) shows up and insists Alan and Jake move in with her. Alan says his marriage will be fixed soon so it’s not necessary.
 
Alan’s confidence in things working out is great foreshadowing that things will NOT work out.
 
Also everything Evelyn says/does reveals character (especially how she treats Jake).
 
In general, Jake is a handy litmus test for the adult characters in this show. How they treat him does a lot to reveal their characters.
 
SCENE J - RESTAURANT
 
Alan has dinner with Judith.
He is acting like this is a great new start for their relationship.
She says “I think I’m gay.”
 
SCENE K - KITCHEN
 
Charlie and his friends play poker.
Jake helps Charlie win a hand.
 
Dual purpose scene: Jake in a situation that may be too adult. But also Jake and Charlie bonding more.
 
SCENE P - KITCHEN
 
Alan gets home to find the poker game.
He is not happy to find Jake playing.
 
RESET TO: SUNDECK
 
Alan and Charlie argue about poker. Charlie just wants to know how Alan’s dinner with Judith was. (Another sign that he actually has a heart.)
 
Alan shares that Judith said she was gay.
 
SCENE R - LIVING ROOM
 
Jake comes out because he can’t sleep. Says he’d rather live at Charlie’s than Grandma’s. Charlie says nice stuff about Alan and that Alan knows best.
 
Jake is super frank and transparent in this scene, which brings emotion and is the reason such a simple and expositional scene can happen at this point in the script. That’s very cool because it shows the power of having a ‘say anything’ type of character. Jake has been set up as blunt in a comedic away and here we see the heart that’s built into that character trait too.
 
SCENE T
Charlie back with the woman from the opening. He wonders aloud about having kids and it scares her off.
 
Rose the Stalker calls. He asks her the same thing about kids. It scares HER off too.
 
This insight into his relationship with his stalker (and with the woman he’s about to have sex with) shows that Charlie is lonely. He’s reaching for connection and a future that feels real and no one is there.
 
NOTE ON ROSE: She’s a useful character because she provides perspective on Charlie and Alan. They’re both less crazy than her, so that brings them more in line with the viewer, no matter how un-relatable their lives may be.
 
 
SCENE V - EVELYN’S HOUSE
 
Charlie convinces Alan to bring Jake and move back in with him. Interesting reason… Don’t let mom fuck Jake up like she fucked us up.
 
TAG
 
Charlie tries to show Alan how to use Jake to get women. It backfires because the woman thinks Charlie and Alan are a unit.
 

FLEABAG OUTLINE


COLD OPEN
Fleabag does butt stuff with guy.
Wonders if she has a massive asshole.


INT. OFFICE
​Fleabag almost gets a small business loan but she messes it up by almost taking her shirt off.


INT. BUS
Fleabag hit on by a guy who looks like a rodent.


FLASHBACK
Fleabag broke up w. bf because he caught her masturbating to Obama.
Seems she has a problem.


BACK ON THE BUS
She gives Bus Rodent her number.


LECTURE HALL
Fleabag at a lecture with her sister.
We learn who the sister is.
We learn who the dead mom is.
We learn who the dad is.
We learn the sisterly relationship and that Fleabag always has to borrow money.


FLASHBACK
To show that Fleabag’s cafe is not doing well.


BACK TO LECTURE HALL
Fleabag explains to camera that she has a guinepig themed cafe.


FLASHBACK
continued conversation from first part of the flashback.


LECTURE HALL
They talk about Fleabag’s cheap pants.


FLASHBACK TO CHANGING ROOMS
Intro Fleabag’s friend BOO, who insults Fleabag’s clothing and pants .


BACK TO LECTURE HALL
Fleabag and her sister are the only ones who raise their hands and say they’d trade 5 years of life for a perfect body


OUTSIDE LECTURE HALL
Fleabag turns down a drinks date with her sister, says she’s busy. Then agrees to hang out with Bus Rodent via text instead.


PUB
She tries to turn Bus Rodent drinks into sex. he doesn’t want to because he likes her.
She leaves after stealing twenty pounds from him.


BUS STOP
She gives a drunk girl the stolen twenty and puts her in a cab to go home.
Tries to fuck a drunk guy at the bus stop and he says no.


FLASHBACK TO CAFE
Boo and Fleabag agree to never ask anyone for anything.


STREET
Fleabag walks, drunk.
Goes to her dad’s house.
Needs reassurance that she’s not terrible.
He says he’s going to call her a cab.
Tells her not to go upstairs.


SPARE BEDROOM
Fleabag has a weird conversation with her stepmother.
Again about feminism and women’s power and the power of sexuality.
(This has come up a few times over the course of this pilot).


TAXI
She tells the story of the cafe.
She owned it with Boo.
Then Boo died, trying to teach some guy a lesson (not intentional suicide though).
Now she owns it alone.

​RAISING HOPE (PILOT) BY GREG GARCIA - OUTLINE

- Jimmy wakes up in the back of his van. Meets Sabrina. She won’t give him her name. 
- Burt fires Jimmy from pool cleaning. Even though he and Mike were also both there drinking last night too. 
- Jimmy goes home. We meet mom Virginia and Maw Maw.
- Montage of Jimmy doing pretty much nothing at home. 
- Family dinner. Learn Burt is Jimmy’s dad. Get expo about other family members. Jimmy says he’ll go get his mom’s ice cream if he can have his job back.
- Jimmy meets Lucy. They have sex.
- Next morning: Jimmy learns Lucy is a wanted killer.
- 6 months later: he visits her in prison. Learns he’s gonna be a dad.
- ACT OUT: Jimmy, holding his baby, watches Lucy get the chair. 

ACT TWO
- The chair didn’t work. Girl still alive. Jimmy takes baby home. 
- Family tries to talk Jimmy out of keeping baby. He says he’s keeping it. 
- Jimmy runs into Sabrina, girl from cold open. She’s skeptical about his shopping cart baby. 
- Mom Virginia gets a call while cleaning a house .she’s gotta go for some reason. 
- Virginia picks up Jimmy. They install a car seat. We get an insight into how Jimmy was raised…not with car seats. 
- Jimmy drops baby in pool. Saves it. Gets protective over it. 
- Jimmy changes the diaper. Throws up but gets it done. 
- Jimmy tires to get the baby to sleep. it won’t stop crying. Everyone is mad at him. 
- Burt and Virginia sing the baby to sleep and let Jimmy go sleep too. 
- We see teenage Burt and Virginia singing the same song to baby Jimmy. 
- Parents try to convince him to give it away one more time. Jimmy reveals he wants to be looked at different. Looked at the way the baby looks at him. They decide to name the baby Hope. 

ROSEANNE

ACT I

Scene 1: 

Kids all demand something of Roseanne
Set up meeting and backpack return for later 
She is overworked and under-appreciated and they are poor
Roseanne and Dan flirt — have a rapport 
he promises to fix sink 

Scene 2: 

Roseanne at work 
Has to negotiate to leave hour early, only gets half an hour 
Roseanne explains to her coworkers the process of shaping a man into a good husband like a lump
Roseanne’s sister Jackie arrives late
Establish Jackie as someone who constantly attends self-help seminars
All you need to do to get what you want is visualize 

Scene 3: 

Roseanne to meet history teacher
History teacher gives her shit
Then says Darlene has been barking in class 
Roseanne defends her parenting
Says “the whole family barks” 

ACT II

Scene 4: 

Roseanne at home
DJ has eaten pie 
Darlene had a softball triumph over a boy 
Roseanne continues to be no-nonsense
Talks to Darlene about the barking 
Becky complains about new backpack
Becky and Darlene argue 
Roseanne says, this is why some animals eat their young
Dan teases Darlene about boys
Dan wants beer, hasn’t fixed sink yet 
Turns out Dan took most of the day off 
They bicker over who will fix sink, it’s a husband’s job 
Roseanne knows where everything is — this is a runner
Roseanne says, things don’t get done by magic, I do them.
Darlene cuts her finger in the other room 
Dan is nice 
They have a sweet family moment together as they treat Darlene’s wound

TAG

Scene 5: 

Dan fixing up boat
Roseanne not that impressed 
But then she gets turned on, says lets have sex
Dan says, but what about the sink
Roseanne — anywhere you want

END ON A JOKE ​

17 AGAIN - OUTLINE


https://imsdb.com/scripts/17-Again.html


- We meet Mike in HS. He’s the king of the courts. He’s nice to a loser kid named Ed.
- His GF tells him something before the big game.


CUT TO:
- Mike is 36. Wakes up in a beautiful home.
- Goes to see ED getting acupuncture. It is Ed’s beautiful home.
- Goes to work. Is passed over for a promotion because he has no college degree.
- A 22 year old girl gets the promotion.
- Mike picks his kid up at HS. Kid is a baller like he was.
- Mike has a meantingful conversation with a janitor about living with regrets.
- That night Mike, Son Alex and Daughter Maggie have dinner.
- He drops his kids off at their moms
- She is working on her show piece back yard for her clients. Getting chased by Dom, the a hole from back in HS.
- Mike is divorced and depressed.


THAT NIGHT
- Mike spots the mysterious janitor by the LA river
- There’s an electrical storm
- Mike gets home and he’s…17 again.
- Mike and Ed try to fix it. Then Mike gets an idea to go find the janitor.


THE NEXT DAY
- Mike goes to school. Janitor is not there. But he quickly learns his boy gets bullied and is NOT actually on the team and his daughter is making out with Stan.


BACK AT ED’S
- They find an incantations and spells site and then this great thing happens…
- “Basically it’s a learning spell. There’s something you need to figure out and until you do you’ll stay a kid.”
- Interruption by Mike: I’m going back to high school.


NEXT DAY
- Ed enrolls Mike. Ed also hits on PRINCIPAL JULIE.
- Mike goes to class. BTW he is dressed ridiculous, “What adults think is cool.”
- Mike defends his daughter from teacher ridicule. Some asshole lights Mike’s pants on fire.
- Mike in the lunch room. Talking to Maggie. Gets ice cream on head from Maggie’s boyfriend.


THAT NIGHT
- Mike and Ed. Ed convinces him to stay when Mike realizes his kids heed him at that school.


MONTAGE OF MIKE LEARNING HOW TO BE A 2008 TEENAGER.


- shopping, learning the cool music, whatever
- concludes when Ed gives him keys to presumably a cool car…


NEXT DAY
- Mike humiliates the jock at school. The hot girls give him their numbers.
- Mike also bonds with Alex (his son) in class.
- That night Mike goes to pick up Alex. Talks to his wife. Wife is like you look like my ex from when he was in HS.
- Mike takes an interest in her backyard design.
- Mike gets an invite to beach party from a hot girl. Alex has to translate it for him. They decide to go to the party.


AT THE PARTY
- Mike helps son Alex talk to a girl
- Mike yells at Maggie for dating the creepy Stan. She’s like you think you’re my dad? Storms away.


AT HOME
- Mike wife delivers divorce papers to Mike’s friend (fake dad Ed)
- Ed confronts Mike because he found collage apps in Mike’s room


AT SCHOOL
- Mike targets son Alex’s bully. Fights him to defend Alex. Goes to principal where his wife is (because ALex is her son).


LATER AT ALEX’S
- Mike shows up and offers to help Scarlet (wife) with her landscaping


NEXT DAY
- Mike consoles his daughter after she gets dumped. They share a moment they never shared when whe was her dad. ALso it seems like she’s getting a crush on him.


MONTAGE
- Mike helps his kid get good at basketball.
- Mike keeps going to principal to help Ed court the principal
- Mike helps Scarlet wife with landscaping
- Mike and his kid beat the bully and make the team in try outs
- Mike starts to get really sweet with wife. Then she’s picked up for a DATE by scumming Dom Johnson.


LATER


- Mike talks to his son. Realizes what a bad dad he was. Suddenly doesn’t want college. Wants his family back.


LATER
- Mike has a party where he defends Maggie’s honor.
- Maggie makes a move on him. He runs out.
- Alex almost kisses a girl and then runs away instead.
- Mike turns down a three way with girls
- Ed at dinner with principal. She confronts him and says stop being a douche and be yourself. So he does.
- Ed and principal go home and mike is having a huge party there. Mike tries to tell scarlet the truth and she freaks out and leaves because he kisses her.




TWO DAYS LATER
- Ed tells Mike it’s time for Mike’s divorce proceedings. They rush over there (as we intercut with the divorce)
- Mike the Younger reads a letter that’s supposedly from Mike. Scarlet asks for a stay because she’s too emotional to continue just then.


DAYS LATER:
- First basketball game. Everything is like it was in the beginning of the movie.
- Game is about to start. Scarlet leaves. Mike gives ball to Alex says “it’s your turn” and follows Scarlet.
- She has pieced it together some how. They seem like they are together again. They agree not to tell Maggie.


BEATS TO STEAL:
- Give the main characters a HUGE THING to be going through like Mike and Scarlet and their relationship.
- Give the people in his family problems he needs to get involved in to help solve. Maggie and the douche boyfriend. Alex and making the team. Scarlet and her need to get on with her life.
- doesn’t know how to dress
- doesn’t know the woke politics and political correctness
- Important that Mike is active even when he’s in the young body. he’s getting involved in his kid’s lives. he’s trying out fo the team. He’s trying to learn about them. He’s deciding to throw a party for his son. It’s not like any time he says “Here is my plan I will do now.” He just does it, and that’s so much better/


NOTE:


The way they write about a whole basketball game is awesome and simple.


Mike and Alex school Stan and Jazz. Steals, picks, fancy
passes and scoring. The Coach watches with awe. A final 3 pointer by Mike in Stan's face seals the deal.